These
lines were posted on a "What's Your Best Pickup Line" /r/AskReddit
thread. I decided to have a little fun with them.
The
line: "I think you dropped something." "What?" "Your
standards. Hi, I'm chucknorrium."
"I think you
dropped something."
"What?"
"Your standards.
Hi, I'm chucknorrium."
"Haha, that's
funny! Hi, I'm Tracy."
"Hey, Tracy. I'm
chucknorrium."
Chuckling
endearingly: "Yeah. You said that already."
...
"So... looks
like you dropped your standards, Tracy."
Chuckling less
endearingly: "Yeah. You said that already too."
Silence.
"Because you're
so much prettier than I am. Haha."
Silence.
"Well... ok, bye
Tracy."
***
The
line: "Are you a 0% APR loan? Because I'm having trouble understanding your
terms and you aren't showing any interest."
"Are you a 0%
APR loan? Because I'm having trouble understanding your terms and you aren't
showing any interest."
"What?"
"A 0% APR
loan."
"What's
that?"
"it's a kind of
interest rate for a loan that... I don't really know."
"Why are you
bringing this up with me?"
"It's a... *cough* pick up line."
"Oh... I don't
get it, sorry."
"See, because
you aren't showing me any interest."
Frowns. "That's
a pick up line?"
"Well, it's
supposed to be, like, self-deprecatiating."
"You mean
self-deprecating."
"Yeah... sorry,
I'm really nervous."
"That's
ok..."
Turns to face her
friends again. Silence.
"*cough* So do you wanna go out or
something?"
She turns back.
"Oh. No, sorry,
honey, I have a boyfriend. But thanks."
She turns back.
"You're
welcome."
***
The
line: Drop some limes and say you're bad at pick up limes.
"Can you help
me? I'm really bad at pick up limes."
"Oh... that's
funny. Here, let me help you."
We spend a lot of
time picking up lemons in awkward silence.
"Thanks..."
"No
problem," she says, smiling. "Well, see ya!"
"..."
She walks away.
***
The
line: Dare a foreigner to say "kiss me, chucknorrium" in her
language.'
"Bullshit! Say
something in Russian!"
"What do you
want me to say?"
"I want you to
say 'kiss me, chucknorrium."
"Who's chucknorrium?"
"I am."
"Oh.
Hahaha."
Silence.
"So?"
"What?"
"How do you say
'kiss me, chucknorrium'?"
"Oh."
Chuckles in restrained repulsion. "I don't know."
"Say it."
"Haha, you're
funny. Listen, it was fun meeting you, but I gotta go find my friend, she's
supposed to --"
"SAY IT!" *desperately*
***
The
line: "You'll do."'
"You'll
do."
"Do what?
"Like... you'll
do. You're good enough."
"Good enough for
what?"
"Me."
"What are you
talking about?"
"It's a pick up
line. I'm pretending to be obnoxious and really arrogant. Like I can take my
pick out of all the girls in this bar and I looked you up and down and decided
'yeah, sure... you're good enough.' I thought it would be funny."
"It's not
funny."
...
"Well, you're
just saying that because I'm not attractive. If I was cute you'd play along and
let me buy you a drink."
"Yeah, so?"
"Huh... so... I
--"
"How is that
wrong? Should I not have the right to decide which kind of guy I want to hang
out with? Am I obliged to flirt and make small talk with someone I don't find
attractive just so you can feel some wicked sense of justice about a universe
that gave you neither the good looks nor the wit and charm to land a
half-decent girl?"
"..."
"How is my
personal taste in men at fault for how big of a loser you are? Yeah I did get
the joke the first time around, and I would have laughed if you were hot.
That's my right as a woman and as a person -- you don't get to decide what kind
of man should get my attention, you sad little moron. Now please, excuse me.
I'm with my friends and we'd like to be left alone."
"..."
***
The
line: "Titanic." "What?" "Sorry, not a good ice
breaker.''
"Titanic."
"What?"
"Sorry, not a
good ice breaker."
"Huh?"
"The ship.
Titanic. It's not a good ice breaker."
"You mean the
movie?" turns to her friend, whispers, "what is he talking
about?"
"No... I
meant... because of the ship. The way it hit the iceberg. You know?"
"Huh...
yeah?"
"But it didn't
break the ice. Instead the ice broke the ship. I was comparing the literal
breaking of ice with the expression 'breaking the ice', get it?"
"Oh. Yeah. Got
it."
"... ok, then.
Bye."
***
The
line: "Are you my appendix? Because I don't know how you work, but this
feeling in my gut is telling me to take you out.''
"Are you my
appendix? Because I don't know --"
"Sorry, I don't
know her." Turns around.
"No, no. It's
not a person. I meant my appendix."
Turns back.
"What?"
"The vestigial
organ."
Frowns.
"It's on your
intestine. It gets inflamed sometimes."
"I know what an
appendix is."
"Yeah, so... are
you it? Are you my appendix?"
"Am I your
appendix?"
"Because I have
a feeling to take you out of my gut."
"What?"
"No. No, that's
not it."
"What are you
talking about?"
"You... you
dropped something."
"No I
didn't."
"...
Titanic."
***
The
line: A girl saying "Wanna make out?"
"Hey, wanna make
out?"
"Nope."
"Good, let's go
to -- what?"
"What?"
"You don't wanna
make out with me?"
"Not
really."
"Oh... do you
not find me attractive?"
"I do. I just...
I don't know, I think it's weird that you flat out offered like that. I'd feel
uncomfortable. There's no mood or anything. Plus, I'm kind of seeing
someone."
"Ok..."
Turns to his friends.
"So anyway, I told him that I wasn't thinking of going to Sally's party,
but maybe I'd show up if --"
"Dude, that
girl's still behind you."
Turns back.
"Hey. Can I help you with anything else?"
"..."
***
The
line: "If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?" If she
says zero: "So I have a 100% chance of getting some tail?"
"If I flip a
coin, what are my chances of getting head?"
"What!?"
"... if I flip a
coin --"
"That's
incredibly rude."
"No, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it that way, I wanted to --"
"And
sexist."
"It was a joke.
I don't actually expect you to give head... I mean, I don't... I just wanted to
make you laugh, sorry."
"Well, it wasn't
funny."
"I'm really
sorry. You didn't let me tell you the end of the joke, though."
Folds her arms.
"Ok, what's the end of the joke?"
"... you have to
say 'zero percent' first."
"All right. Zero
percent."
"..."
"Well?"
".. never mind,
bye."
