An
unstoppable force and an immovable object walk into a bar. The unstoppable
force sits down at a bar stool, glancing at his watch as though waiting for
something.
The
immovable object sits next to him, and orders two beers.
"Ever
the timely one."
"This
coming from you?"
"Come
now, time is always on my side." The unstoppable force flashed a grin,
speckled with gold.
"Ah,
it never gets old. And here I am with nothing but time..." He flashed a
similar, yet toothier grin.
They
sat in silence, enjoying the rich ambience of the pub. Conversation, jokes,
sexual advances and conquests, delicious rejections, hidden heartbreaks, all
unfurling about the two strange beings. One, a boulder sitting stubbornly
amidst a river, the other, a brave old salmon racing past it, up and
downstream.
"So
Vlad... you ever gonna tell me how the hell we keep bumping into each
other?" The words tumbling forth like a clumsy yet determined ambush. Like
an old king who fought his way to the throne, the answer came like a deft and
irritable counter:
"Perhaps
when you show me what kind of watch that is..."
The
unstoppable force, ever the plotter, pointed to his bare wrist.
"What
watch?"
The
boulder, ever the wiser, chuckled.
"Ah...
so the mortals can't see it then. How curious. Technology moves in such
sweeping leaps and bounds these days... an old bat like myself can hardly keep
up."
"It
never feels right when you bring up the geezer you really are. Hard to poke fun
at gramps when I've got more greys and more stubble than you do. Every
time..."
"Every
time indeed. This is the third time I've seen you today you know. Different
bar, different time of day, and you were wearing a different outfit. Seemed
younger the first time, older the second, and here you are now... Do tell, what
brand is it?"
"Caduceus,
2017 model, Triple Grand engineering."
"My
friend, it's only 1998."
"And
yet not three hours ago, I was in a bar chatting with you in 1898. Yet here we
are. Your face smooth and pale as ever."
"You
flatter me."
"I'm
laying my cards on the table Drac. We're hardly the typical bar flies, and I
think we both know that. Drop the ruse for a second, hm? What the hell are
you?"
"I'm
sure you know what I am, hence your puerile jabs, but I've not heard of
something like you. I've seen you walk back and forth in time as though you
were strolling up and down a street. Oh no my friend, the ruse remains, you
speak as though I owe you answers and you owe me nothing. How clever you must
think yourself... and like a sword dangling above a kings head by little more
than a single thread, the question hangs. What the hell are you? To borrow your
vernacular..."
"I'm
a mover, a shaper, and a god among humanity. I am Hermes, Djehuty, Odin, and I
am the thrice greatest man. I have seen the beginning, exact middle, and end of
humanity."
"And
they called me vain..."
"Birds
of a feather, hm?"
"Allow
me to indulge then. I am the fiend, the accuser, and the boogeyman. I am
Dracul, the serpent, the dragon, the enemy, et cetera, et cetera, ad nauseam et
absurdum."
They
stewed a few moments, sipping their drinks in curious silence. The pub
continued to bustle around them, relationships beginning and ending, friends
laughing and hiding tears, socially awkward types being swept up in the crowd,
never quite figuring out their place in it. All ignorant to the two old souls,
jabbing and boasting.
"Tell
you what Nosferatu. Meet me here in a thousand years, and we can trade straight
answers. Deal?"
A
gold speckled grin.
"Deal."
A
toothy grin.
The
wanderer shook hands with the
immortal. He deftly maneuvered through the crowd and pushed through the door.
In
moments, he walked through the ages, and there, a thousand years later, sitting
in a black iron chair amidst the irradiated rubble, was the man from the bar.
"Here
we are at last old friend! year 2998, where
O'Sullivan's Pub & Pool house once stood!"
"Here
we are indeed."
