[ Disclaimer: I know nothing about quantum mechanics XD ]
...
"...yes, but how exactly are
the electrons simultaneously acting like waves and particles?"
"Well,
Johnson," I replied, raising my eyebrow. "The thing you need to
understand about Quantum Mechanics is that it's based on thoughts."
"Thoughts?"
"Yes, thoughts.
So when you think of the electron as a wave, that's how it'll behave.
When you think of it as a particle, it'll be a particle."
Johnson frowned.
"What if I think of it as both?"
"Ah!" I
replied. "Excellent question."
Johnson waited, but I
didn't say anything. "Are you going to answer it?" he asked, after a
moment.
"Yes," I
replied.
He waited.
"Now?"
"Give me a
minute, I'm trying to come up with something."
"You can come up
with something and then write it down immediately, you don't need to actually
stall in the story, dude."
"Yes but I want
to convey the idea that I'm trying to come up with – oh, fuck it. Ok, if you
think of it as both, what will happen is something called Quantum
Entanglement."
"What's
that?"
"That's when
electrons intertwine with themselves and become indestructible. One electron
will behave as a particle, the other one as a wave, and they'll attract each
other by the laws of thermo-gravitational distortion."
"Thermo-gravitational
distortion…" Johnson whispered. "Nice."
"Thank
you." I smiled. "That's actually how antimatter happens," I
continued. "Two electrons – one behaving as a particle, one as a wave –
intertwine, and they self-destruct, creating –"
"You just said
they are indestructible."
"Shut up, I'm
talking. They self-destruct, creating a big anti-electron, which is a particle
of antimatter."
"Woah,
really?"
"Yes. The
anti-electron is actually visible to the naked eye."
"It is!?"
"Yes, it's a
plum."
"So every plum
is an antimatter particle?"
"No, of course
not," I replied. "Don't be stupid, Johnson."
"I'm
sorry."
"Only like
thirty percent of plums are antimatter particles. The rest are plums."
Johnson nodded.
Silence took over the room for a second.
"How about the
Theory of Relativity?" Johnson asked, after a second.
"Well, Johnson,
relativity is like drinking eight cans of beer in three minutes."
"How's
that?"
"It feels wrong
at first, then you feel good about it for a while, then it feels wrong again
and you realize you didn't understand the part about time and space being the
same thing at all."
"Kinda lost
track of that analogy halfway through there, didn't we?"
"You're pissing
me off, Johnson. Cut it out."
"What are you
gonna do about it?" Johnson got up. "Your story sucks anyway, dude.
I'm out of here."
"Shut up, Johnson."
"You're a
terrible writer."
I thought of all of
the electrons that compose Johnson. "Shut up. You're gonna make me do
something I don't want to."
"And I bet I
know how you're gonna finish it too, you hack."
I thought of the
electrons as particles. "Shut up, Johnson..."
"You're turning
me into a plum, aren't you?"
Then I thought of
them as wave.
"You're turning
me into a big fat plum because you don't know how to end this story. You're
ridiculous dude. Have you no shame? Can't you –"
And then… yeah, that.
